Beautiful Disaster
by Hazeydream
Summary: Based on a Kelly Clarkson song and centers around John.


**Hi there! Yet another standalone fic inspired by a song, something I've not tried yet since I started writing. It's based on a Kelly Clarkson song (my new fave singer at the mo, she's amazing) and felt it described a certain character very well.**

**Pairings: John and Elizabeth**

**Spoilers: Just bits and bobs from both seasons so far.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Atlantis or the song, although I wish I had a voice like Ms Clarkson!**

**"I don't know what he's after but he's so beautiful, such a beautiful disaster. "**

**Beautiful Disaster by Kelly Clarkson.**

**Beautiful Disaster**

She wonders how he keeps his eyes open on days like this after a rough night's sleep. The shadows around his eyes have become darker since they came to Atlantis and she knows first hand how badly he sleeps.

"He drowns in his dreams, an exquisite extreme I know"

But his tiredness, maybe even exhaustion, doesn't stop him from trying to teach Jinto and his friends American football. And even when he gets hit in the face by the butt of the ball he still dons a lopsided grin and waves off their apologies.

"He's as dammed as he seems, more heaven than a heart could hold"

Sometimes she takes him for granted, using his strength to help her through the awful times they often encounter and she's amazed he hasn't once told her to give him a break. She felt her world crumble after the second Wraith attack, loosing so many of her team, but as always he swoops in, minus the red cape, and picks her up from the dark hole she threatens to fall into.

"And if I tried to save him my whole world would cave in"

When she stands on the balcony she often looks up to the skies and asks why someone so courageous and selfless wasn't given a better hand in life. Why he has had to endure some truly terrible incidents.

"Just ain't right, just ain't right"

The Athosian children are bubbling with excitement as he holds off his attack and let's them win every time and she can't help giggle as Jinto hi-five's his smaller friend, an action soon copied by all of them. He rolls his eyes and joins in and even extends it to "Down low, you're too slow!" and grins at their shouts of laughter. The children really do love him, and it's now she realizes so does she. But what does he love?

"Oh and I don't know, I don't know what he's after but he's so beautiful."

He finally sees her standing, watching the game take place on the mainland. He manages a quick wave before a rather tall Athosian attacks him and all the children jump on top. His protests are drowned out and they squeal with laughter. They eventually pull him back up and his hair is even worse than it was before. But the tiredness is still there and she wonders how he can even manage a smile after all of this. How he can be so torn up during the night and then act so carefree during the day?

"Such a beautiful disaster."

Escaping their clutches for a minute he jogs over to her. "Hey."

"Hey. Having fun I see." She says while nodding to the group of youngsters behind him still trying to throw and catch the oddly shaped ball.

He shrugs and his smile never falters. "They asked and I was bored. So? We ready…?"

"Rodney says it's safe for us to go back." Seeing his guilty expression she touches his arm gently. "They have it under control. We were stuck out here…there was nothing we could've done."

He nods but it's obvious to anyone who really knows him that he's not agreed with her. Looking around he catches her eye and sheepishly asks, "Em…do you fancy coming over tonight?"

"If I could hold on through the tears and the laughter"

She wakes up and sees his him standing on the balcony, his back to her. A light breeze floats through the room that causes her to shiver but she ignores it and goes to him. Once through the open doors she can hear his ragged breath and knows he's had another nightmare. Placing a hand on his shoulder he turns to face her. "John?"

"Would it be beautiful?"

His eyes are red and blotchy and immediately she knows he won't get any sleep again tonight. Gazing at him with questioning eyes, his automatic response is no surprise to her.

"I'm fine." Taking hold of his hand she pulls him back into the room and makes him sit down.

"Rest." She quietly orders before retrieving her clothes. But a hand stops her and she already knows what he's going to ask. Slowly locking eyes he almost whispers, "Elizabeth, will you stay?"

"Or just a beautiful disaster?"

Dropping the red top she moves back to him, lies beside him and lets him hold her. His breathing evens out, although she knows he's not sleeping. It's as if her just being there has a calming effect and she tries to ignore the happy and contented feeling that suddenly settles in her.

"Would it beautiful or just a beautiful disaster?"

She mulls over the ramifications of loving a man like this, and she wouldn't do it unless she knew he was feeling the same. He kisses her forehead when he thinks she's asleep and can feel him watch her from the other end of the bed. They joke and talk to each other in the mornings, or have lighthearted or serious debates that often end in play fighting. Any female would love to have John Sheppard be this way with them, but Elizabeth doesn't know if they could take what happens at night.

"Such a beautiful disaster."

**A/N: what you think?**


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